it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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