im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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