Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
