ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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