It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
