Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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