I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
meet me or not, i'm out of control
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
