Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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