How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
