my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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