Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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