Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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