I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
