so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
