So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
