yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
