My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
