the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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