If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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