Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
