he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
