you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
