I got chris browned last night
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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