Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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