This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My ass is underappreciated
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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