I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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