We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm getting married
To pizza
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
