If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
