Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Randomize
