This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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