well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
