so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
