just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
