Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
