It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
