My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
