He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
