I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She told me I should be a condom model.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
