my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
