he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
