She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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