There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Shame is for Republicans.
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