areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
