I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
