Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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