Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
