the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
