She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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