Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
