It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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