he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
