the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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