so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
