i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
