i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
