Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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