tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
