; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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