He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
