Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
