I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
