new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
