Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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