on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
