Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize