Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My balls are so social today.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
