margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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