you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
