And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My ass is underappreciated
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
