She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize