i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
