Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
