There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
