I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
