I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
