I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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